End of the world

The last time I thought it was curtains for me was just last week.

I couldn't handle the bugging from the new developer who joined the team. First, he talks in a way that nobody seems to understand, and I am tasked with mentoring him. Then he didn't read what comments were left on his tasks, and then he constantly asked me to approve his work with a timeline he decided, which was at best an hour-long time window. I almost lost it, and I thought its the time to blast.

Guess what, it's one week from then; he is still his annoying self, and I am going just fine without a blast.

Rolling back three weeks from today, I was on a team outing. I had a really killing stomach ache. I had never experienced that kind of pain in life as far as I could remember. The whole afternoon and evening I was lying on the floor helpless, at the back of my mind preparing to be on the operating table in the hospital.

In less than 12 hours' time, I even had to come from a midway point while going to the start point of the run. And if you know me even slightly, you know that I don't leave the field till I have finished the job. And here I was, leaving the play before even reaching the field of play. I had prepared myself for a longish stay in the hospital.

Guess what, the pain never showed up in the next 25 days even once (I take no credit for it), and the doctor in the emergency room sent me off without charging a dime.

Back when I was at my previous company, I was asked to move to a pre-sales role from a product role because I finally chose to protect my day off, ignoring the calls from team owners. I was devastated; I thought my tech career was over. I won't have any tech skills going forward, and it's all curtains for me.

Guess what, the next six months were the best team atmosphere I ever experienced in that company. Though day-to-day work was shallow, it offered me the breathing room I never knew I so much needed. In the next 4 months, I landed 2 new job roles, and that too tech-focused, without the toxicity I was almost used to.

I have once been smacked between two fast-moving trains, stuck on a platform for days, starved for 48 hours, doubted my talent and abilities for a fair bit of my life, and landed behind bars.

But never has my life been through that doomsday that comes so close to me in the eyes that I could barely see anything else.

All that surrounds me today is the favour from the universe, the habit to work my ass off from my parents, and some lovely people who keep me grounded.

As the days pass by and I become older and older, my mind has grown into acceptance. It now recognises the knock of doomsday on the door. Instead of trying to avoid the knocks, it opens the door, allows the trouble to come in, sits for a little bit, and shows it the way out after a while. It now knows the frightening guest is temporary, yes, it would come, as so will it go out.

And aging, which was so frightening for me at 25, looks less like an enemy and more like a wise acquaintance today at 28 

here are the two things that kept me breathing during tough times (Runs, and dogs)